The best/worst day of my life!

So... its taken me 5 weeks but I can finally talk about my birth story without crying... haha. Just kidding- I only cried for about the first 2 weeks after the birth... my excuse for the next 3 weeks was that i was just TIRED!!! :) Although I asked for NO pictures, I am secretly glad mum took a few as it is a day I don't ever want to forget.... Actually, maybe I do....? (I just paused and thought about it, and i started crying again... I just love Sienna so much and I would go through anything... any amount of pain to have her here with me. I am so incredibly blessed).

So here we go...

Tuesday night (13th Nov) I went out to do my VTing like a good girl... and I was sitting at Gloria Jeans trying to enjoy my Tim Tam Iced chocolate and I noticed my braxton hicks were getting a little painful. After ignoring them for a half hour or so, Krystal noticed I was getting a bit squirmish and asked if i was getting pains.... thats when i realised they were still painful and now getting pretty regular. When we got home that night mum started timing how far apart they were. From memory they were about 4 minutes and not too painful. (My pain gauge has TOTALLY changed since giving birth). So I went to bed as I knew if things were going to get serious I would need as much rest as I could get. To my surprise I slept through the night without much waking or discomfort. Now in hindsight I can see this was a tender mercy from the Lord. At 6am one of the contractions woke me with the pain. I looked at the time and got a little bit excited, knowing I had some decent sleep and realising I would be heading to the hospital soon... she was coming... :) We started timing the contractions again and now they were about 2 minutes apart and feeling a little stronger. So I went to the bathroom to turn the wax pot on so Lisa could was my under arms... haha. By the time I had put the last few items in the hospital bag we all (mum, dad, Josh, Lisa, Marley and I) all made the executive decision that we should leave for the hospital now as we would be in traffic which would make the trip about 40+ minutes. So Dad and Josh gave me a blessing and off we went. The car ride was... crap. The contractions were getting stronger and more frequent and Josh was trying to do some accupressure points, but there isn't much room to move around with the two of us in the back seat. Eventually we got there, and I obviously looked too calm and collected as the midwife told me I should probably go home or go to a park and come back later... UMM- NO THANKYOU!!!! haha. So by 8am Im at the hospital and 3cm dilated. The midwife suggests walking down to the hospital cafe to get something to eat and pass some time. She also tells me that "worst case scenario you will have this baby out in 6-7 hours" working on the assumption that I would dilate 1cm per hour.... So we go down to the cafe... mum got me some vegimite toast. I had two bites and couldn't eat anymore... it was either disgusting or my body was just concentrating so hard on the pain I couldn't really think of doing much else... so that trip lasted maybe 20 minutes... I decided I would rather be laying up there on a hospital bed than sitting on the uncomfy chairs in public view whilest trying to get through these early contractions, so we went back up stairs and got settled in our room... Im a little blury on the rest of the times and details but this is how I remember the rest of that day going...

Im having contractions for the next 4 hours getting in and out of the shower and in and out of the bath, on the bed, off the bed, having accupressure points from josh on my back and mum at my feet, pacing the room... whatever- just getting through the time... When the midwife checks me at 12 she tells me im only 4cm dilated... You can imagine my disappointment.... while she was checking me out she asked if she could break my waters... and I said- "yeah do whatever you have to do- your the professional". So my waters break which speeds up the contractions and they become alot more intense. The midewife said she would come back and check in another 4 hours. So I keep going, and im not loving life to say the least... By this point im attached to a drip giving me fluids because im dehydrated and havnt eaten since the night before (apart from the two bites of toast). After 3 hours I am really desperate and I ask the midwife to check me early, because I just need to know if I am dilating according to schedule, because if I was still going slow I could see that I wasnt going to last... So, they delay me another hour and its now 4pm. I get checked and only 1 more cm. THATS IT! 8 hours of labour and im only 5cm.... I didnt have enough energy at that time to show how I really felt. I just started to cry softly to myself. At that point I knew I wasnt dilating fast enough and I truly couldnt see how I would make it to 10cm at that rate. I could not see the end. It was at that point I started asking about pain relief options. I secretly wanted someone to just shove an epidural in without telling me, but I decided to go with something less hardcore to begin with. I started with the gas... that was crap. It made me so spacey so they turned it down but then i felt like it wasnt giving much pain relief, so i stopped worrying about that. From here on in is seriously a big blur. I remember the midwife offering me some morphine, to which i gladly accepted. she shoved it in my leg, and I asked how long it would take to have an effect. She said 15 minutes, to which i replied "15 MINUTES???" Mum and the midwife laughed, but I wasnt... I honestly didnt think I could make it to the next contraction, let alone 15 minutes!!!! By this point I just broke down and asked for the epidural. Once I had made that decision, each contraction just seemed unnecessary and unbearable.... Just make it stop... thats all I wanted... I then remember being on the bed and the midwife telling me I had a fever and they needed to give me antibiotics... I really didnt want antibiotics so she agreed to try panadol and see if that would be enough... I remember lying there and feeling really sorry for myself....I was just crying to myself and waiting for the next contraction, and I had a really special experience where I was reminded of how blessed I was to be in the hospital that day, to be on that bed, in labour, in pain.... waiting to hold little Sienna.... Despite my tears, I managed to vocalise that I was so happy, but what I couldnt vocalise was that Im so happy because I get to have my baby soon, and my sister Lisa wants a baby and she cant have one. (Lisa, I hope you dont mind me sharing this, but it was a big part of my labour experience. I know the Lord gave me that experience so I could grow in humility and compassion. Lisa, I love you). Ok, so I think I was on the bed for another half hour or so, and out of no where, I started throwing up, which no one liked because I was going through bags of fluid like no ones business. Throwing up gave me this CRAZY cramp in my stomach and this just put me over the edge. As usually in between contractions you can get a few seconds off, but with this cramp, I didnt get a break, and I was just flipping out... I was pacing the room, stomping my feet, bending over, stretching back... I just couldnt get rid of it. This was my most desperate point and I just couldnt get the epidural soon enough... I remember a doctor walking in and with a bounce in his step he says "hi... something something bla bla..." and I just look at him and say "cut me open!" He laughs (why does everyone keep laughing at me?) and says "well let me introduce myself first". I was just thinking- shut up and give me the drugs.... So by then the morphine was doing its job and the pain subsided a BIT!!! It was at least enough to help me to be still while they put the epidural in. It seemed to take FOREVER, but once it was in all I remember is peoples voices fading in and out, and I was just LOVING LIFE. I couldnt feel a thing and I even managed to get 2 hours sleep...

During that time they put some other drugs in to speed up the contractions, and when I woke up at 9pm they checked me again and I was 9cm dilated!!!!! I honestly couldnt believe it. 4cm in 2 hours and I slept through it.... I felt like I had totally cheated labour.... I was so happy, and in my drunken state I just kept saying.. "I love epidurals, I love epidurals..."

I think I got some more rest, and dilated the extra cm. Dad also came to the hospital at some point around now??? Not sure exactly when....? But now its 10pm and im 10cm. I was so happy.... :) But the problem was that Sienna was posterior and her head was also tilted. This was apparently the reason I was dilating so slowly in the beginning, because her head wasnt pushing on my cervix properly due to her position... (silly billy). So, even though I was 10cm I wasnt allowed to push yet, they wanted to wait for her to turn. Meanwhile they backed off the epidural so I started feeling the pain again... although I didnt mind so much because I knew the end was near... I still didnt love it, but I knew I could make it. So that hour sucked! The midwife came back at 11pm and said the magic words... "Ok Tayce- we are going to let you push". I started crying.... and when she asked whats wrong... I said "Im so happy". I felt so relieved that it was going to be over soon. Sienna hadnt changed positions yet, but I guess they figured she wasnt going to. So with each contraction I start pushing.... and they kept telling me im really good at pushing, which to me meant she is going to come out with your next push.... but I kept pushing and she never came out :) Anyway- an hour and a half later, she is nearly there, and the Dr says im going to have to cut you, and I tell her "no way" and with the next push out came Sienna... :) so 12:28am 15th novemeber... thats when I held her for the first time... I always wondered how I would feel at that moment... it was so surreal... all i remember is one second there is a blue baby on my chest, and the next second they have taken her off me and are putting masks on her face and cords everywhere...

I was so exhausted that I just laid there watching her and I remember seeing my mum and dad keeping an eye on her too, and once I noticed there faces change from worry to calm, I knew I could close my eyes and everything was ok...

This is my favourite photo... She was so wide eyed as soon as she came out. This was probably less than 5 minutes after she arrived.

They took Sienna out of the room and mum and dad followed and they kindly remembered to take a video so i would get to watch it later...

From this point on I was in and out of sleep, I remember at one point a lady bought her in and put her on my boob... that didnt work very well because I kept falling asleep... haha. Eventually at 3am we were taken to our own room where we spent our first night together as a family. Me, Josh and Sienna. The first of many... A special thank you to mum and Josh who helped me through... I couldnt and wouldnt have wanted to do it without you! THANK YOU!!!

This was taken on her birthday... Josh had to leave the hospital to go do a uni exam. He messaged me and asked me to send a photo because he missed her already... So cute!!

And I just LOVE this picture... I cant believe how beautiful she looks... this was day 2. It amazes me how different she looks already... still cute though :)